It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
