The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
