You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
