In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
