I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
