Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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