i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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