Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
