Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
