literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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