saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
