I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
