Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
