everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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