I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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