I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
