Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he thought i was a dude.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
