Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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