Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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