I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
