I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
