Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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