Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
