if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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