It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
