Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
