"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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