I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
