In the future we'll all be gay
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
