Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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