Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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