After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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