I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
