About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
