yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
