I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
