It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
