My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't notice because vodka
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
