8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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