I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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