Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
