I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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