as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
