it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i believe in u and ur pee
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
