god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
