Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
