I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
