we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Semen is not good for contacts.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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