He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
