i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
