All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
