I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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