hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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