At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
