i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
